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- |07/30/2010 04:28 pm
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another week gone by.its been another im an emotional wreck week...yay! its been over the top emotional for me.it started out with me breaking my cell phone.lol to those who know me this is of no surprise.i did stash my old one in the closet though so i didnt loose my mind.i plugged it in to charge and when i got up the next day and turned it on, i saw a message in it.Now, a normal calm person would think to check the date on the messages before getting excited, but not this slave. the message was a happy little lovey goodmorning from Him. Now at first, my heart skipped beats, couldnt believe this was happening.i rubbed my eyes and reread the message. as tears ran down my cheeks i realized this message was a year old.Him wishing His slut a goodmorning was not a reality but a distant memory.That one text has sent me into a downward spiral all week. i should have looked at it with fond memories but instead i allowed it to shred my heart at a even deeper level.So as a result i have not accomplished much but many sessions of feeling sorry for myself. i have managed to let my temper slip even further.i feel very out of control and unsettled.its not that that message wasnt a very special reminder of the happiness we shared. it came like a double edged sword. on one hand i was very happy to have found it, on the other it handed me my broken heart again.i have noticed a huge difference in my focus or should i say a lack of. i cant seem to get the grip i had back. i am either angry or crying but either way its not good. damn it,i am tired of slipping. i feel lost because i dont know what else i am supposed to work on.its very hard doing all this alone. so, the only good thing is even though i have let my stupid emotions get the best of me, i have not slipped with drugs or alcohol....its a good thing. now hopefully next week i can pull my head from my...anyways i hope i do better
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