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- |03/01/2010 06:59 pm
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i was strolling through life with little or no effort, no challenges, no excitement.along with those things came boredom and unhappiness. i was searching for something to make me feel alive again, make me feel anything. out of the blue i came across a guide. he offered to teach me and guide me to the top of mt.submission. i thought to myself it sounds scary but exciting. can i really do this, am i capable of such a journey? He assures me that if i am willing to listen and trust in Him that yes i am quite capable of such a journey. He tells me of the beauty when you reach the top. If i trust in Him to guide me, the rewards of the journey would be amazing.i am convinced that this is what would give me the thrill, the rush i am looking for. without hesitation i agree to allow him to guide me through the rough terrain up to the top of Mt. submission. i agree to meet Him at the bottom the next morning. He is there first and i worry am i late as always? i see the guide sitting there and i think, He is so calm, so peaceful...how could he be look at what we are going to be starting. i am shaking with excitement. so scared. i never finish anything, usually i walk away when things are hard or uncomfortable. however i am very prideful and hate to admit when things are to hard for me.i show Him attitude has always been apart of my personality. i grab my coffe and get my things and join Him at the bottom of the mountain. The guide sees all my bags and laughs. How are you going to get to the top with all those bags, you really need to lighten your load or youll never make it. i explained to Him that i have been use to carrying these bags with me for a very long time and i dont know how i can take such a journey without them. they are a part of me, everything i need, everything that is me.the guide tells me i will change my mind when we get going and assures me that he will make this climb as easy as possible on me. he reminds me again that it is very important to first listen to him and second trust him. i tell him oh yes i will listen and of course i trust you. the guide looks at me and repeats it again. without these two things you will never make it to the top, he says. yes Sir, i promise to listen and trust in You.i of course mean it but have no idea what that truly means. i notice that the guide has only one small bag. being the curious type i want to see whats in it. the guide tells me that i can see whats in the bag when he is ready to show me. i am told that i can ask many questions but that he will decide if i need the answers and what information he will provide me with. trust in Him i am reminded again. With my bags on my back i stand up and give Him my hand and the journey to the top begins.the beginning of the journey is so exciting not to difficult. he takes me through the easier trails as to not tire me to fast. i follow the guide in and out of the brush and the rocks. following in his foot steps. he holds my hand tight so that i feel safe. it is amazing how safe i do feel. the guide has a strong hand and i can feel it. the guide is talking to me the whole way explaining why we are taking this trail instead of that trail. i hear him but i am not focused on what he is saying because i am so excited, i cant beleive i am doing this. i usually ride the fence with things. dont put myself out there much because i hate to fail. i know that with this guide i wont fail. i dont know how i know this but i can feel it. from the moment i met him i knew he was the one that could take me to the top.each day we climb higher and higher. the guide takes care of my every need. when i stumble or fall the guide picks me up and brushes me off. he tends to my scrapes and bruises. the guide was right of course about to many bags for the trip. little by little i am leaving these bags of my lifetime along the trail. with every bag left behind the guide smiles and gives me encouragement to shed yet another bag. the path to the top seems clearer to me now and i start to think i will impress him by showing him that i can lead aliitle of the way. when he is resting i journey on. the guide is not impressed he warns me of the dangers in doing this. he warns again trust in me and you will make it. i hear his words but the warning somehow escapes me. the guide warns if you do not listen and do not trust it could be dangerous for you. everyday i am learning from the guide the top is so close now. but everyday i get up early to try to advance on my own. the guide tells me there will be no warning that he isnt going to help me if i do not trust and follow. i know that he would never leave me alone on such a journey. he cares for me now. he promised to take me to the top, didnt he? i had forgotten i made a promise also to trust and listen and to follow. i wake one day to find the guide is gone. the top is so close now but it is the roughest part of the journey. i look all around but he is no where. i call but he does not answer. has my guide really left me here on the side of a mountain, all alone. is it possible that he could do that. on the whats left of my bags is a note. its from the guide. my heart is racing and my hands are trembling as i read. the guide has left me. he warned me that if i didnt trust in him and follow that i would have to take the lead and find my own way to the top.Nooooooo i thought please god noooo tell me he hasnt left me alone. i promise i will listen i will trust. please come back to me. i cannot make it on my own. my mind breaks down i loose control. i am scared and alone on the side of a mountain where i can see the top but without a guide. i am left in the silence and all i hear is the words of my guide, trust in me and you will find happiness and joy. i am left alone to continue to the top or go back down where i started. without my guide i have no choice but to quiet down and wait. quiet down and remember the lessons he taught me. remember the journey he took me on where he held my hand and potected me. to find the submissive within.i sit quiet on a rock and cry. now that the guide is gone i can hear him clearly. now that the guide is gone i have trust in him and i am listening. but the guide is gone and he doesnt know that i am listening and i trust in him. and so i sit with the submissive in me being submissive to no one, i am finally quiet.
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