feeling lost

feeling lost

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• |03/23/2010 07:28 am
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its been a long day and all i want to do is come home see the kids and go to the gym for my workout. i come home to find drunks everywhere and the house completely messed up. what a flash back. holy hell that use to be me. i cant believe how much my life has changed. i think about when i use to sit here and drink my favorite combo of jack and coke with coke. sit here night after night looking for something to make me feel satisfied, feel happy. thank god someone came along and changed my life. i feel so different now. everytime i go to the gym i feel farther away from the old party girl and closer to the slave he was trying to create.i just wish i could have found this peace before i self destructed. i have a self control that impresses me on drinking. i choose not to so i dont. i am however still establishing my, i choose not to freak out with emotion and so i dont.lol one day at a time i suppose. i guess i shouldnt regret that it took removing my collar for this slave to learn somethings but be happy for the gifts that were given to me.by the gifts i mean the road plan to the new slave inside of me.i am however very excited when the kids tell me they love me and i can see the faith they have in their eyes now. the same faith i use to have when looking into His. my personality flaws stole those from me. i am thankful for my friendship that has taught me to see these traits i have and to improve how i handle them. i have learned so much in one month that i actually thought it had been like 3 months. its so crazy how time seems to fly by in what i like to call "Master Land". not meant disrespectful. just such a rush icouldnt ever seem to get a handle on time. there never ever seem to be enough time with Him. holy hell i was so needy. i craved Him so badly would make me go a little crazy if i couldnt get to Him. So funny thinking back at it now. He always told me to appreciate the time we shared...i do now..lol too late but i cherish every moment of it.8 months ago i would have never believed i would stop drinking, stop partying and actaully join a gym. but 8 months ago i would have thought it crazy to call myself a slave.....kisses S.M. xxx