Naughty's blog

Naughty's blog
Naughty Angel

Monday, June 27, 2011

Naughty's blog

Today i have taken and copied every blog i have written. Yahoo once again has changed their format..which is what brought me here. These blogs were very special to me as they were the last task given to me by my Master. So in order to keep them safe i have moved them here. These blogs are also a growth chart for me as a slave and as a short story writer. i have enjoyed every story i have ever written they are a part of my darkest side...

i will be going back and trying to edit them all and make the proper corrections...for now it was important just to get them to a safe place.

To the ones that will read this...thank you for your time...


take care

naughty
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Slave or Roleplay

Slave or roleplay

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  • |04/27/2011 10:15 pm
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i have been at this for almost two years now. That is nothing compared to many lifestylers. For me its been a very intense two years. As soon as i became a part of it, i felt as if i was at home. Since then i have never been confused on who i am or what i seek. i was aware of the differeces of how everyone chooses to participate in the bdsm world.Its always been interesting to me to learn how others choose to live.i like to study others on thier beliefs. i try to consume as much information as i can. i spend alot of time thinking and processing all that i have learned so that i can try to have a clearer understanding of their ways.

With the internet it has become very easy to share time with many different minded people. There seems to be a line drawn in the sand between realtime and online.Realtime believing the are the only true lifestylers. Online being sensative to the prejudices of the realtimers.i, myself, have been frustrated with being told that spending most of my time online, i dont have a clue.i have been told i am nothing but a roleplayer who lives in a fantasy land.This statement drove me crazy.i have had many come to me to do just that...roleplay. Roleplay is not something i have any interest in. i prefer reality with power exchange.

i decided it was time to step out of my security of the screen and explore "real time" a bit closer. Now keep in mind that i never wanted to stay on the net. I simply use the net as a screening tool to find the one i seek.The net has been a great filter in this process. i am very stuborn on certain things that i need in a D/s relationship. It becomes painfully obvious in a short time if the person i am spending time with fits those needs.If they have any interest in the power exchange and the bond.

Through my exploring "real time" i have become a bit confused. i have felt like i am on the outside looking in. i feel like i did before i was brought into the lifestyle. It has caused me to question everything i thought i understood. Its brought me a level of discomfort that makes me question my need to be a part of a D/s dynamic.Causing me to question the label i identify with. Am i truly a submissive with a slaves heart or am i just a vanilla girl that needs control and discipline.Is this simply a role i play.That question disturbs me all the way to my core.

When attending a munch in real time i realized i did not fit in or belong there.The people in the room seemed to belong to a private club of people that enjoyed extreme sex with many. It didn't feel like any of them shared the same views as i did. i felt like an outsider because of my needs to be the only one in His life. Seems this gathering is about sex and nothing more. From the outside looking in, sex is the most important thing. Everyone at one point has played with the others. Like a group orgy just not happening on the same night.So this is real time...

There doesn't seem to be a need to get along outside of the dungeon. Not like vanilla couples sharing romance and everyday life experiences. i was taught that the sex was the bottom of the list. That the true D/s or M/s relationship was about the minds. When exploring "real time" i havent come across that being of any importance. The most important qualities that a slave can have is her willingness and eagerness to get on her knees. Now please don't think that i don't have these same qualities but i don't have them after saying hello.i need more....

So at the end of the day, it seems maybe i am completely confused about the lifestyle. In real time, looking in from the outside, its all about sex. One needs to be a kinkster with no real need of a connection other then sexuall. The power exchange i have been seeking or the bond i desire seems to be of little importance to most. Like its a fantasy i have created in my head. The slave in me seems to be a roleplay according to what i have witnessed out there. The true slave or submissive is one that is all about the kink.

Maybe i have blended to much vanilla into D/s. Maybe in order for me to be a "true" slave i need to abandon the wishes of the bond and cross over to the kinkster that lacks the desire to attach. Maybe i have wrapped to much romance around the true meaning. Maybe i have no grasp on what it really means to be a slave.

It is frustrating to me to think that everything i thought i understood is now something i question. i thought there were different levels real time. From what i am seeing and reading about....it seems i am just a foolish girl that has a role in her mind of what it truly means to be a slave.
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Gypsies of the journey...thoughts of naughty

Gypsies of the Journey.......thoughts of naughty

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  • |04/22/2011 08:47 am
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I have been trying to educate myself for quite sometime on all the things i can to do with this lifestyle.One of the things that has me confused is the lifestyle of switches. Now, when i say that i want to make something clear. In no way am i judging them. In no way do i mean to be little them with the questions that i have. i respect all people in their choice of who they are. So with that said...allow me to explain my confussion.
From what i understand about Dominates they are dominate in everything that they do and everything that they are...the Dominate is usually aware of itself from an early age. Never being anything but that in their mind.Now i am aware that some Dominates in the interest of learning about submission will be a submissive to another Dominate for a learning period, but usually they are quite aware of who they are.
The submissives.i have been submissive by nature my entire life. There has never been a question of who i am. Even long before i knew anything about this lifestyle i was aware that i took a submissive role in everything. That is not to say i cannot be a leader but my personality is submissive without a doubt. i have had young slave boys try to convince me they see a Mistress in me and i gently tell them to look again. There is nothing top or Domme about me.
So now that is the Dominate person and the submissive person. Regardless of play, they are who they are. These types for the most part stay true to their title.They consider this to be who they are not roles they are playing. So when did a switch become a switch?
With the switch were they at one point a submissive that had a Dominate hurt them? Or at one point were they a Dominate with a bad submissive and decided they couldnt handle the control anymore? Do switches merely role play. Do they switch roles like playing a part in a play or trying on a costume?
So i got to thinking..trying to wrap my head around it. Maybe it can be explained like being bi. Please by all means i am not saying they are in anyway gay or have the tendencies to be gay...i am just saying maybe it is like that.With a person that is Bi they tend to be very sexual people. I think they will lean towards one sex or the other but they have an exploring personality. So is a switch just a sexual being with the ability to explore all roads? Do they lean towards one or the other roles with a preference to one but the explorer in them allows them to be extremely open minded and play either side?
So with all that said...a switch had way more options to play. They have more opportunity because they flip both sides. They are interesting to me....gypies of the journey.No limits to the posabilities. They play by their own rules and their own lables...
With all my theories i still have no idea what makes them who they are..i think i will be studying them further. Regardless of the title we see ourselves wearing or the sexual prefrences we have...We are all a part of a wonderful journey...enjoy the ride.
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rhw diary of naughty ...Reflections

The diary of naughty......Reflections

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  • |04/17/2011 06:37 pm
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i am forty one today. Last night i lay in my bed thinking about all that has happned over the last year.The things that have happened and the changes i have made both in my life and my personality.
When i look back how i was just a year ago it seems like i have grown up so much you would think it has been ten years. Did the release change me? Did the work with the slaves while looking in the mirror change me? Did the trying to earn Him back change me? Or the move and still not having heard from Him in six months change me? I am not sure where i started maturing but all of these things have deffinatly contributed to the new me.When i look back at my writing and the thiings i would post at the tsr, i dont even recognize the girl that wrote them. She is long gone.The inocent sub has been replaced with a seasoned slave with more knowledge and one that has learned many lessons.
Through communication with many Doms both good and bad, i have learned alot. i have learned alot about the lifestyle and alot about myself.i would like to think that i am not as trusting as i use to be. That it takes more then a title to make me believe in someone. i would like to believe that i have the ability to sit quietly and watch a person and be able to judge if this is a good additon to my life and to my learning.
i have developed strengths over the last year.Strengths that most people dont have to work at to have but for me was a huge process in developing. Strengths such as courage and determination. i dont think i ever had either of them before. i have proven i have both.When i set my mind to something there is no stopping me. even if it scares the hell out of me, i will find the courage and determination to follow through.
i thought i gathered courage from my collar. i thought when times got tough if i just slipped it on my wrist i could face anything.For along time this was accurate. That collar helped me on the scariest move in my life. i held onto that collar like a lifejacket in a stormy sea.For example last year i went to the dentist and was scared to death. i had my collar and rubbed it when i would panic. Last week i went without it and had an attack and ended up leaving. Then i remembered i didnt have my collar.
The collar has lost its ability to bring me strength. i came home and put it on and felt nothing. i was mistaken at the power of this neclace. It was the hope wrapped around it that gave me courage. The hope that someday he would be in my life again if even in a small way.That hope is dead now just like the relationship is.
Last week screwing around on the computer i discovered he has another. He is in love and happy with the new one. It was a reality check like no other. Like when you open the door and the cold takes your breath away. It was done and the hope was gone. Since then i have accidently come across the hot dog place He drove me to. I have seen the yellow and red roses in someone elses garden. Constant little reminders of what i have lost. and now the collar has lost its ability to calm me down. it has become something of the past. Its just a necklace without any power.It actually wasnt the thing that had power. It was an illusion. I empowered myself and gave credit to the collar, but ultimatley it was me. I was the one with the courage to leave my home,family,job and friends all for a dream that wouldnt be.
So as i look back at the changes i have made,both good and bad, i have come to the conclusion. I have the ability to love deeply to trust blindly and to do anything i set my mind. I just need to channel the courage and the determination to make it happen.i have seriously grown a great deal this past year, and for that i am proud.
i do wish Him and her a very happy life. She is a very lucky girl to have the love of such a Master. Hopefully she is aware of it and doesnt make the same mistakes that i did.
i do look forward to the day i will wear a collar again. The meaning of it will most likely be completely different. As i am always changing. I do hope the next collar i wear will be long term. However i still have a long way to go in preparing for such a collar.
So that is the reflections of this last year. What a year it has been.
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Sarahs Punishment

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  • Punishment

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    • |03/28/2011 10:46 am
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    Sarah woke up in a bit of a bitchy mood that day. Nothing seemed to go her way. She poured His coffee and spilled it on the nightstand. "Damn it" she cursed under her breath. She quickly ran for a rag and cleaned it up. She left a note telling Him she would be home right after work. Sarah knew better then to leave the house without His approval on her outfit but she was not in the mood. She was running late and needed to get to work. She thought to herself she would apologize when she got home. Everything would be fine.
    She stopped for her usuall mocha on the way to work. When she was climbing out of the car she spilled some on her skirt. Sarah cursed again and ran inside to find her boss giving her the disappointed look. She was five minutes late. She hurried to her desk and got to work.In the back of Sarahs mind she knew that she had broken three rules that morning already. She had left before he approved her, she was late for work, and she didnt have time to text Him of her arrival. She knew this was not going to be a good night when she returned home.
    Sarah busily worked the morning away. She couldnt believe it was time for lunch already. She took her phone out of her purse to look for His usuall mid day text but there was nothing.Normally Sarah would be panicing but today she told herslef surely he would understand. She started to feel even more bitchy. Telling herself that sometimes life gets in the way of His rules. Sometimes she had to set aside His rules because of her job.Sarah decided instead of thinking about it and worrying about it, she would just keep busy with work. She would explain how her day went when she got home.
    Sarah looked up at the clock and realized it was five o clock already and time to go home. She took her phone from her purse to look for any texts and again there were none.Her stomache sank a bit but again she turned it around and justified it. Normally she would have text Him to see if He needed her to do anything on the way home. Today she thought if He wanted something he should call.
    Sarah grabbed her things and headed for home. The closer she got the more the reality of what she had done set in. She became nervous and started to worry. She decided she could not handle His dissapointment. Not with the day she had just had. She knew better but decided to stop at the local pub and have a few glasses of wine. She seen a gilr from work and the two of them chatted at a small table in the corner. Sarah was so relaxed she had forgotten the time. The girl from work told her she needed to get home to cook dinner and would see her at work tomorrow. Sarah looked up at the clock and seen it was now almost seven. She was confused why He hadnt called or text her wondering where she was. She grabbed her things and headed for the house. She pulled in the driveway and seen the lights were on. He was home why hadnt He called?
    Sarah caustiously walked up the steps and opened the door. There He was sitting in His chair. She seen the look in His eyes and she knew what He was thinking.There was a huge chalk board sitting in the middle of the room. She was confused why it was there. "hello Master" she said lowering her head. There was a fire in His eyes when he replied "So you do remember who i am, slut?" "yes Sir" sarah said very quiet. He just kept glaring at her and she could feel His eyes burning her even with her head lowered. Sarah walked slowly over to His chair, removed her clothes and lowered to her knees.She noticed the velvet cloth on the table with His tools laid in a perfect row. There on the velvet was the riding crop, the paddle, the cain, the flogger, and His belt. Her heart started beating widely.
    Master sat quietly for what seemed like forever to Sarah. She was thinking to herself how unfair this is. even she had bad days sometimes and He should understand that. Foolishly she was letting her temper justify her actions for the day.Inside she was cursing Him for not just letting her explain how things got away from her.
    Master cleared His throat and told her to go to the chalk board. Sarah crawled over there wondering what could He possibly want."Do you understand your rules, Sarah?" He asked with His deep voice. Head hung low still she answered"yes Sir, i understand them". "Do you think they are unreasonable Sarah" He asked again. "no Sir" she said wanting to tell Him sometimes, but thought better of it."sarah do you know what the chalk board is for?" "No Sir" she said so quiet He could hardly hear her.Master instructed sarah to write the first rules of the day on the board.Sarah grabbed the chalk and wrote, slave is to bring Master His coffee every morning and wake Him to see if He wants to be pleasured.Master was standing behind her now holding the cane. "Sarah did you follow this rule today?" He asked pacing back and forth behind her. "no Sir, i only brought the coffee" she said starting to tremble. Master brought the cane down hard across her legs. Sarah yelped from the pain.Master hit her again for crying out loud."next"He said with an evil voice. Sarah wrote slave is to wait for approval on the outfit for the day. Master asked her again "did you follow this rule Sarah?" "No Sir, i was running late and didnt have time" Sarah knew as soon as it left her lips she was in trouble. Master grabbed the riding crop and started in on her back. Over and over He hit her. Sarahs back was glowing red and her cheeks were soaked with her tears.Master yelled "next" Sarah wrote slave is to text Master when arriving to work so He knows she made it safely and on time."and" He asked with a louder voice. Sarah said "no Sir i didnt text when i arrived" "and" he said again. "and i was late"she said crying. Master hit her ass with the paddle so hard sarah flew forward and hit her face on the floor. "get up" he instructed. Sarah got back up on her knees."whats next slave" Master asked her sounding more irritated then before. Sarah wrote slave is to text when leaving work and come straight home unless otherwise instructed. Master swung the paddle again. This time sarah was braced for it. He hit her five more times. Sarahs legs,back, and ass were turning purple. Master had a seat back in His chair. He sat quiet for a bit. "Sarah did you stop somewhere on your way home, and dont you lie to me slave" "yes Master i stopped for drinks"she said shaking bad now. "are you allowed to drink when Master is not with you?" "no Sir, i am not" Master sat quiet.Master grabbed the belt and told Sarah to pleasure His cock. Trembling she unzipped His pants and took it into her mouth. master swung the belt and continued to beat her while she sucked. Sarah was choking on tears and cum when he finally stopped hitting her.
    Master took sarah into her arms and told her He loved her but she was very disappointing that day. Sarah promised she would follow her rules. She told Him how her day had started so bad and that she was very sorry to have behaved that way. Master reminded her that no matter what she was His slave and He will always come first.
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a kiss in the rain

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  • A kiss in the rain

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    • |03/06/2011 12:28 pm
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    Rebecca was sitting on the porch waiting for Scott to arrive. It was completely quiet except for the soft squeeking of the porch swing. Back and forth she rocked sipping a glass of wine and lost in her thoughts.
    Scott had called earlier and told her he was running late. He told her not to worry.He would still go for the walk just like he had promised.
    She smiled to herself thinking how wonderful this was all going. They had just started dating but had spent months talking online. They discovered that they didnt live to far from each other. They seem to have so much in common. They had only been on a few dates and agreed to take it slow. To take the time to really get to know eachother. To not complicate the relationship with sex until they were sure it was right.
    It was a muggy night so rebecca put on her little cotton sundress. Rebecca wasnt a young girl anymore but had the lovely curves of a woman. Her hair was a chestnut brown and stretched down her back and framed her face.She had beautiful green eyes that caught Scotts attention the very first time he seen her. There was a kindness about her that had Scott falling in love with her and craving to protect her.
    Scott pulled up in the driveway in his old ford. It was jet black and just restored and he looked sexy as hell in it. She loved seeing him that way.Rebecca thought Scott was perfect. He stood 6'2. He had a stocky build and big strong arms. His grey hair was so handsome and distinguished looking.He had the bluest eyes she had ever seen.His smile melted her heart the very first time she seen it.
    Rebecca walks out to meet him. Smiling he asks if she is ready to go and gives her a hug. He holds out his hand for her and they head off for the woods. She loves to go exploring with him.
    They are chatting casually about his day when he notices the first rain drop. Scott knows that rebecca loves the rain so he continues on. As they enter the woods the rain is coming down harder. The air is warm and so is the rain. She looks over and sees that his shirt is sticking to his chest and it makes her blush at the reaction this gives her.She feels the moisture forming between her already soaked legs.She tries to ignore it and follow the conversation.
    Scott leads her into a  clearing in the trees. It was like a little patch of heaven untouched by the rest of the world.
    Scott stops talking to admire the view. He believes he has never seen anything so beautiful in his life. She was everything he had ever dreamt about. The way that the little flowered sundress stuck to her beautiful body. He was speechless. Never had he seen anyone look so fantastic completely soaking wet.
    Still holding her hand he pulls her in closer. He looks down into her eyes and she takes his breath away. The two of them stood there quietly looking into each others souls. Watching the rain drizzle off her hair and down on her lips was more then he could take. Scott reached his hand up and moved the hair from her eyes. She had never felt anything so gentle. He grabbed her chin and guided closer. Tipping his head down to hers, Scott took in those lucious pink lips. The lips he had been craving to taste since the very first time he laid eyes on her.The kiss was slow and passionate at first. The hunger quickly set in and they gave way to their desires. He kissed her with such force she almost fell backwards. He began tearing at her little dress. He ripped it from the neckline all the way down. it fell in a pile at her feet. There she stood with the perfectly errect nipples, the ones he had fantasized about. "Oh my god", he thought to himself. They were fantastic.Scott took them into his hands and starting sucking her nipples. She was moaning and pushing herself into him.
    Scott laid her down on the ground so he could explore all of her. he began biting and kissing her all the way down her stomache. Scott took rebecca into his mouth and she exploded in pleasure.
    Scott stood up and started taking his clothes off.Rebecca lay there with the rain beatig down on her face begging him to take her. He crawled on top of her and their lips met again with a animal desire. Scott ramned his cock inside her and she screamed with desire. He grabbed her by the hair as he bit her lips. With every thrust she begged for more.Scott grabbed rebecca by the hips and flipped her over. Her face shoved down in the mud he drilled her harder. She was in ecstacey. They came wildly together.
    As they lay there catching their breath all covered in mud,Scott thought to himself, he had never been happier
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A thankless Job

Home> February 2011> A Thankless Job.....Opinions of naughty
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  • A Thankless Job.....Opinions of naughty

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    • |02/11/2011 06:04 am
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    A dear friend of mine and i have recently been talking of things that have gone wrong in M/s relationships. W/we discussed what went wrong with one of His subs. He tells me that it became a chore to spend time with this sub. That it has lost it's pleasure....
    So it got me to thinking, is this the reason? Is this the reason for the release of so many newbie subs? Did it become too much of a chore to reassure them? Does the insecurities of the newbie become such a pattern that it destroys anything a Master is trying to build? Does the Master get to the point that it gives Him an emotional headache just to listen to the insecure rantings of the slave?
    i look back at the work i've done with troubled slaves and i think its the answer...i know looking back at my own experience i was a pain in the ass....always whining about losing when it hadnt even happened. Maybe after awhile the Master looses the energy or the desire to reassure the sub/slave. Maybe after awhile the Master needs to take a reality look at how He spends His day with said sub and decides it is just too much work to constantly bring the slaves self esteem up.
    i have always felt so bad for the slaves and what they are going through. maybe i should have looked at what the Master goes through. It is easy to always side with who we think the victim in it all is when maybe the reality of it is....the Master is the one who should be felt for. The Master puts out so much energy and thought into building the bond, for what....Its interesting to me that you never see a Dom/Master writing on forums of the pain of the experience when the bond has been broken...only the slaves do this. Maybe if Masters/Doms had a place to vent, as we the slaves do, it would be looked at so differently. How disrespected they must feel when they read the rantings of the slave they had no choice but to release.
    How sad does the Master feel when they have put so much work into bringing down the walls but in the end it didnt work out. They must become exhausted and feel as if they dont want to go through this again. Slaves will tell you they can't go through it again. That they cant expose their inner soul like that again....What about the Master and the work He put into helping the slaves experience the freedom...All the work the Master did for someone else to come along and get the benefits of the breaking of the ground.
    Makes me think in comparison to a builder. The builder goes in and works His ass off clearing the lot of all the rubble and trees. He puts in the well and the septic and the loan falls through for what ever reason. Then some other builder comes in and finishes the job. Building a beautiful house on the land. Does the original builder get any rewards or credit for his hard work....no he does not.
    Being a Master is such a thankless job. i have always thought this were true. Slaves talk of all their hard work all the time.What they have done to be the perfect slave...never mentioning all the work of the Master.People say that submission is a gift to be cherished....the work of a Master is just as important and should be equally cherished. Without the Master/Dom who would the slave/sub submit to?
    To the Masters out there....what incredible people You are. How incredibly unselfish You are....to be responsible for someone elses life...A Masters skill is truly a gift and is something not to be taken for granted.
    i know that this slave is thankful for every Master/Dom that has passed through her life even in friendship they have all helped me become the person i am today
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Master's sluttly little princess..The essay

Blog Home> February 2011> Master's sluttly little princess ... the essay
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  • Master's sluttly little princess ... the essay

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    • |02/10/2011 01:22 am
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    She sits for a moment and tries to come up with the best plan for the time she has.She does not want to be in the process of the list when He returns. Smiling to herself, she thinks He has really changed her. She would have never thought how to manage her time best before His training. She would have never accomplished this much in one day.
    She decides that she is going to start with the excersise. The aerobics will give her the boost of energy she needs.Master does not approve of her always needing coffee to get things done. He believes there are healthier ways for her to feel boosted up. He also knows she has a very addictive personality and will over do it if He doesn't monitor her.
    She finishes the thirty minute routine He has made for her and she runs to the shower. She was right, she is bubbling over with energy now. Off to the kitchen she gets the dishes and counters done in less then ten minutes.She grabs the candles and linens from the hall closet.On her way to the bedroom she turns on her favorite music and heads for His room. her mind goes to the essay while making His bed. she lets her mind drift to the reasons why He has given her the bell and the reason for the trust bell. Happily she is singing to herself and finishes her chores. Its time to write the essay....
    Dear Master,
    i have been thinking about this for hours. The purpose behind the consideration bell. What does consideration mean to me...
    When You and i met i was a drift. Always felt as if something were missing. You came to me and started teaching me of the lifestyle. You explained to me the meaning behind the Master/slave relationship. You told me You seen a quality in me that made You believe i was a slave at heart and someone You could share the journey with. You also explained that this was a slow process and this process was called a consideration period. Not only was i under consideration to be Your slave but that You were under my consideration to be my Master as well.  This journey would be taken by two people. Driven by one and traveled by two. For both people to be happy they needed to agree on what direction this journey would go.
    You would be considering me to be Your one and only. Would i make You happy, would i be worthy of the time You would be investing into me.i would be considering if You were the Master i could lay down my life to and give complete control to. Once this consideration process was through W/we would either travel on together or realize that W/we were not the perfect fit.
    This consideration bell has more value to me then anything else. i am honored that You are considering me to belong to You. Everyday that You are in my life, my life has been enhanced.You are truly a wonderful Master and i love You with all my heart.
    The trust bell to me holds the meaning that W/we have reached a new milestone on O/our journey. You have put trust in me to be faithful to You. You have placed trust in me to follow Your lead and to allow You to remove the walls built around my heart and give You everything that i am. It means that i have placed trust in You to run my life. To see whats best for me. To guide me with honesty and integrity. The trust that is required to surrender to You all of me. To trust You with my submission. To trust You,Master, enough that i give up willingly my freedom of choice.
    i have grown to trust You,Master, in exactly this way. my hope is that i have earned Your trust as well.
    with all my love,
    Your's
    She reads over the essay and decides that she is happy with it. she walks around the house making sure that she has completed everything to His standars. Smiling to herself she returns to her cage. she crawls inside and locks the door. Clipping the key to her anklet, she thinks to herself how lucky she is to be living this life with Him.How she would not trade it for anything..lost in her thoughts, she drifts back to sleep.
    she is awaken by the sound of His keys hitting the table in the hall. she can here Him humming to Himself. she smiles knowing Master has had a good day.
    "Princess, I'm home" He calls down the hall. "Have you been a good girl today"? she can hear the love in His voice and she is excited to see Him. "yes Master, i was good" she calls back. He walks past her cage and heads for His desk. He sits down and grabs the essay and looks at her with a smile. "W/we shall see, princess" He says with His sexiest teasing voice. The voice that makes her whole body tingle. "ok princess, let Me read over this and i will let you know what i think" He said and started to read her letter. "yes Master" she says in her quiet little girl voice.
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Master's slutty little princess...Master's letter

Master's slutty little princess....Master's letter

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  • |02/05/2011 03:11 am
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Hello Master's slutty little princess,
   Please try to stay calm. you were sleeping and Master had some things to do.I will return as soon as i am done. I shouldn't be but a few hours.So try to relax and be a good girl while Master is away.
In the envelope you will find the key to your cage. Master wants you to unlock the door. I have come up with a few things to keep you distracted while Im gone. I do expect these things to be done with no excuses. After you have completed the list of chores, slut, i do expect you to return to your cage. you will stay there until Master returns.Do you understand, slut? Yes you do. Good girl. Ok now get the key and let yourself out. On Masters desk is the list of chores....chop chop,you are running out of time. P.s. Master loves you princess,be home soon.
she reaches out and unlocks the cage. she is a little sad because He is not there but curious about the list. Crawling out of her cage she stretches on the floor before trying to stand.she is still a little groggy but knows better then to mess around. Master is very sufficient with His time and she knows this.
On Masters desk is the list just like He said. she picks up the list. It was written on the paper with Masters letter head on it. The reaction she has to this makes her giggle. Why the hell is a list written on His paper making her so wet. Silly ,silly girl. The list....
Here are your chores you are to complete before I get home.
1) Get the dishes started and wipe down the counters.Do not worry about dinner tonight I will bring something home.
2) Make Master's bed. I want fresh linens today,slut. Change out the side table candles they no longer have any scent.
3) Vaccum the living room. Pick up any news papers or other things that do not belong.
4) Freshen up the bathroom. you can replace the candles in there as well, good girl
5)Get the laundry started. Make sure it is ironed and hung back up.
6) you are to do the exercises that Master has shown you. you may skip the bike ride today and do the aerobics.
7) When you have completed these chores you are to sit down and write me an essay on what the bell charm on your ankle means to you. Why it is that Master gave you the first bell of consideration. I want you to think about whether or not you  feel you deserve the next bell....the bell of trust. Slut, dont try writing what you think I want to hear. Write what it is that you feel and you honestly think. Do you understand princess? Yes, you do. Good girl.
Now princess when all this is done....and if i know you like i do you have already slept to long....when this is done...gets your happy little ass back in the cage and wait for Masters return. Lock the door and attach the key to your anklet next to the bell. I will unlock it when i get home.Now hurry along princess, you do not want to disappoint me.

Be home soon,
Master
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Master's sluttly little princess

Master's slutty little princess part one

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 ***  Part One***
The sun pokes through the crack in the shades and shines directly into her face. She gives a little moan and attempts to stretch, forgetting that she is unable to.She is too confined. The cage is just large enough that she doesnt panic but she cant stretch her legs either.
Every morning when the alarm goes off she waits for Him to unchain her from His leg.He has trained her how He expects the morning to go. She is not to speak unless spoken to. If He engages her in light conversation she is to speak softly until He has had His coffee. He has taught her exactly how He expects the coffee to be made as well
After His shower He grabs the coffee she has set out and heads for the computer.This is her favorite time of the morning when she is chained to His leg and watching Him work.She loves how serious He looks when He is working. He doesnt seem to mind if she lays her head on His lap.Sometimes when He is reading He will gently pull on her hair. Small little tugs that make her smile and He gets a little chuckle out of her reaction
.
This morning she was feeling a little sleepy and Master notices and asks her if she would like a nap. She loved how thoughtful He was and how well He knew her.She told Master that she could use a little rest. He unchained her from His leg. He told her to get in her cage.Naked and yawning she crawls across the room, crawls inside of the cage and lays down. Master sat and watched from across the room. He enjoyed watching her. He had worked so hard to make her His good little slut. She was such a handful when He first found her.....now He was proud of His work. As He walked across the room, He tells her "enjoy your nap, my slutty little princess." She smiles up at Him as He locks her cage....yes Master thank You.She drifts off to sleep thinking how lucky she is and how much she loves Him. He has done so much for her.
She tries to focuss her eyes and find Him. It always puts a little panic in her when she awakes and doesnt see Him right away. His chair is empty and His coat is missing from the rack.Master had left while she was sleeping. She becomes frightened. She reaches down to her ankle where the little silver bell hung. When ever she got scared she would ring the little bell to remind her that she was His and He would always care for her. Starting to relax she notices an evelope out of the corner of her eye." Slut" was written on it. She reached through the side of the cage and grabbed the envelope. It was a letter from Master.
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Boken Dolls

Broken dolls


Another slave recieved her release today....its amazing to me how many slaves are released everyday. It makes one wonder why on earth any of them would choose this lifestyle. So many put their heart and soul on the line. It always starts out the same. Master is so wonderful. i would do anything to make Him happy.....stick around and its He released me today and i dont even know why.
Are these Masters going through these slaves like children with new toys. Children will come home everyday and head straight for their room to play with their new toy or their new game. Quickly the child will grow tired of the toy or beat the game and become bored with it.Is that what slaves are to Masters...simply a new toy or a new game that they grow tired of a leave behind to find a new challenge? What happens to the slave when he leaves....does she spend the rest of her days on the island of misfit toys....broken little dolls that cant love another.Dolls with broken hearts and strings that no one else can fix. Where do the little dolls go when the Owners have thrown them away....
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The Park with Sir

Blog Home> January 2011> The Park with Sir
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  • The Park with Sir


    Its almost time now. She climbs into the bath and starts preparing herself for His inspection. He has intructed her that she is to be clean shaven at all times. She begins to remove it all while thoughts are racing through her mind.The water is hot but she cannot stop shivering.Damn...she nicks herself and curses loudly about not paying more attention.She goes a little slower making sure not to miss any hair. Sweeping her hand over her body she decides she has done well.Glancing at the clock she hurries and climbs out of the tub wrapping a towel around her.
    After brushing her teeth and applying the mousse to her hair its time for the make up. Wondering how He prefers it...will He think its too dark? She begins trembling so hard its becoming difficult.She takes in a few deep breaths but its not helping. Her heart is racing out of control. She wonders if she will pass out as she is feeling light headed.She knows she needs to calm down and remembers there is only one way to calm this slave.
    She folds up her towel and places it on the floor. She kneels naked as she has been taught. Hands behind her back, head down and eyes closed...she starts her chant.Slower and slower she repeats the chant until she is in a submissive state.She rises slowly and calmly finishes getting ready.

     Its time to go. She grabs the keys and heads for the truck. She is only ten minutes from their meeting place. They had decided to meet in the park. She is the first to arrive.She is pleased with herself for not being late. She watches in the mirror and sees Him pull up. He pulls up beside her and she instantly feels the chemistry.Not knowing what to do she gets out and meets Him at His truck.First the hug, then the kiss and it was an instant connection.
    They stroll through the park and find a private bench. There are sparks flying instantly.She sits down beside Him. He grabs her by the hair and begins kissing her hard. She is moaning slightly. She is so needy now. She loves the taste of His mouth and the power of His hands. Smacking her face He asks her who's slut are you? "I'm Your slut,Sir"she moans. His strong hand wraps around her throat and He squeezes it...."Are you ready for consideration, slut?" "Oh yes, Sir. Yes Sir, i am".
     She is swept away by the fire. His hands feel so good on her breasts and between her legs. Her hungry cunt wants her Sir to use it. With every kiss and every touch the fire becomes more intense  between her legs. She tells Him she needs Him to use her...to take His cunt for His pleasure.Nibbling on her lips He guides her hand to His cock. He tells her to feel what she does to Him. She can feel it buldging from His pants and she is hungrier then ever. She needs Him in her mouth.She needs to pleasure this raging hard cock. Over and over she strokes it from the outside of His pants. Her desire growing with each stroke.She is loosing her mind. She needs to drink from Sir's cock and taste His cum.She searches the grounds for a place to kneel before Him.There are people casually walking by.They have no idea she has her Sir's cock in her hand or that He is telling her what a good little whore she is.She loves the fact that people are walking by and she is rubbing His cock being a filthy little whore.
    With her pussy dripping wet and her mind racing she spots it. Across the way she sees a baseball dugout. She asks Him if He would be willing to join her there so that she might service Him properly. He gives her a wicked grin and a smack on the ass.The dugout is much more private and the perfect place to feed her desires.
    Sir stands in front of her and unzips His pants. "is this what your craving slut"He asks. She drops to her knees and  asks for permission to take Him in her mouth.Oh fuck He tastes good. She lowers her mouth down on Him enjoying every inch of His hard cock.His skin is so soft and His cock is so hard. She begins lapping at the precum. She is sucking noisily now. She is so turned on by Him being in her mouth and listening to His praises.It is unclear who is enjoying it more...the hungry little slut or the Master she is servicing.Up and down His shaft goes her hot mouth.Licking the sides and rubbing His balls. This is a feast she has been craving for so long. She feels the cock pulsing in her mouth now and she knows it wont be long until it feeds her. He tells her He is ready to cum but she already knows and is excited for the reward. Hot cum starts to shoot from the head of this gorgeous cock. MMMM she drinks every drop of it.Licking up every bit she missed. She kisses the tip of His cock and thanks Him for allowing her this pleasure. He holds His slut in His arms and kisses the top of her head.
    They sat for awhile enjoying holding each other. She felt at peace again in the arms of her Sir.She is content now and she belongs to Him.With a belly full of His cum and His kiss on her lips she drives off smiling and thankful He found her.
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Masters collar part 2

Master's collar....part two


Master has said nothing the entire drive.Normally this would drive her crazy because she loves to talk about His day with Him.They had been driving for about an hour now. He had taken an off road,one she had never been on.She had no idea where they were going as it was dark and she was to into the music to pay attention.He pulls the truck over and she can see they are at the beach.It was so beautiful there and completely private.He squeezes her leg and tells her..We are here slut,i have been wanting to bring You here for along time.He gets out of the truck and opens the door for her.She asks for permission to walk down to the water.He tells her "Yes go down to the water and enjoy yourself while i get a fire started."So thats what He was doing in the garage she thinks to herself....He was grabbing wood.
She wanders down to the water humming the Bob Seagar song softly to herself.There is a strange calmness in her tonight and she is feeling so lovey and happy with Master.She kicks off her shoes and heads for the water.She loves the way it feels when the water splashes up on her thighs.He is watching her while He builds a fire and lays out the blanket.She is giggling now and running in the waves...She shouts i love You Master and He smiles and waves back.I love you to slut,He yells back.
The fire is going good and she sees Him sitting there watching her...She runs up to Him and drops to her knees in the sand.He takes her face in His hand and kisses her on the nose.She looks into His eyes and can still see something different. Master,will You come swim with me,please? He smiles down at her "yes I will come swim.They undress by the fire.She admires His body and thinks to herself how lucky she is to have such a beautiful man call Himslef her Master.They walk hand in hand down to the water.Its an absolute perfect night,the water is warm, the moon is out and there is no one around but the two of them.They splash and play for awhile enjoying the water.Master takes her into his arms and gives her the most passionate kiss He had ever given her.It was a good thing He had a hold of her because it made her legs weak.
Master took her by the hand and lead her back to the blanket.He told her to kneel before Him.He told her this was a very special night.He explained to her how happy He was with her in His life.How He feels complete now that He has found her.He went on to tell her that He loved her and was very proud to call her His slave.
Master asked her if she was happy and if this was really what she wanted.She told Him that she had been searching her whole life and she had found Him.That there was no place on earth she would rather be,then right there before Him,kneeling to her Master.
Master went to the truck and got something out of the glovebox.He quickly returned with a black velvet box.He told her that He had been considering this for quite sometime.He told her if she accepted His collar it was for life.She was His forever and was never to take it off.She told Him she wanted nothing more then to be His slave forever.
Master took the beautiful silver collar from the box and told her to hold up her hair.He attached it and said"You belong to me now,You will always be mine."
He gently layed her down on the blanket and began kissing her.tears streaming down her face,she had never felt more loved.They made love in the moonlight,next to the fire and their souls danced as one.
He had claimed her and she was His forever.....
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Masters collar part 1

Blog Home> November 2010> Master's collar....part one
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  • Master's collar....part one


    Its the weekend and He calls and tells her He is on His way home.He tells her to get ready.To grab the blanket from the closet and a bottle of wine.She is so excited. She knows she has been doing very well lately and He is very happy with her.
    They have been together awhile now but he still hasnt collared her.He told her in the beginning this was not something He took lightly and He wanted to be sure when he gave His collar it was for life.He had been searching along time and wouldnt settle for anything less then His perfect fit.
    She ran to her room and put on her long sundress.It was still very hot out even though the sun had gone down.She sprayed on her favorite perfume...not to much because He didnt approve when it was overwhelming.She grabbed the blanket from the closet.She found her little travel bag and put it inside.She took a glance around the room to make sure it was up to His standards and took her place by His chair.
    She could hear the truck pull in and she wanted to run to the door.She controlled her excitement because He had trained her to be kneeling at His chair when He came home and to remain silent when He came in.This was His quiet time.Master always had the same routine.He would come in put His keys in the dish on the table next to the door.Smile at her,give her a gentle kiss and relax for a few minutes in His chair.He was intrested in her day just didnt want to have it thrown at Him the moment arriving.
    She was so curious now but she knew better then to ruin it with questions.She had learned early on to be patient and He would tell her His plans when He was ready.
    Master went out to the garage and she could hear him banging around.She didnt dare get up to peak.She knew what would be waiting for her if she became impatient and got up without permission.
    Time to go slut,He tells her.Get in the truck.She gets up,grabs her travel bag and hurries outside.He is wating for her holding the door open as He always does.As she is climbing in He swats her on the ass and gives His sexy little laugh.She has no idea where they are going and she knows better then to ask.She notices He seems to be in a very quiet mood.She is trying to get a sense of what it is but she has never seen Him like this before.He seems to be happy but something is different.Pushing the curiousity away she asks Him for permission to turn on the radio.He tells her its fine, just not to
     loud.Searching the stations she finally finds one she likes.Bob Seagar is singing Turn the page...one of her favorite songs.She is singing along with the song looking over occasionally to find Him looking at her strangly.There is something about the way He i s looking at her tonight that makes her catch her breath.What is on Masters mind,she keeps thinking.
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a night with Master

A night with Master


It was a hot night,the kind of night that makes it near impossible to sleep.She opens the glass door hoping for a cool breeze to cool her off. Tossing and turning she sleeps restless.Its not the heat that is waking her now.Its His voice.
His voice is waking her out of her sleep.He had just spent an hour telling her what He would do to her before she fell asleep.His seductive voice making her feel His every thought.
As she lay there trying to go back to sleep her mind is with Him now.She can feel tiny beads of sweat rolling down under her breasts and down her thighs.Her nipples are so errect they are poking through the silky material of her nighty.She remembers all the things He wanted. The belt going across her ass and across her back.Moisture starts to form across the top of her lips.She has been awakened by desire.
She rolls over and tries to block Him from her mind, but her clit has become hard and pulsing now.She tears off her nighty trying to cool down.She runs her hand across her breast wishing it were his lips and hot breath, she lets out a quiet moan in the dark.She is hungry. Hungry for His control. Hungry to be His pleasure toy.Hungry for His cock inside her greedy wet pussy.
She reaches down and runs her fingertips up her thighs and is moaning a little louder.She can hear His voice echoing in her mind now....I know what kind of slut you are and what you need...she reaches and finds her red hot clit and starts to caress it.She gives into the desire and she becomes His toy in His scene.
He takes her to his room. He demands for her to remove her clothes and kneel.Kneel before the Master that is to use her. She gladly obeys...she is so needy for him and it has been so long since she has been used.He instructs her to lay across the bed and prepare herself for His use.She can hear Him take off His belt and she starts to shiver...oh god will i be able to handle what He is doing. Please let me have the strength to give myself to Him, she thinks to herself.She is fully aroused in her fantasy now. She is dripping wet and sticking her fingers inside her needy cunt now...her back is soaking wet and she is sticking to her sheets....her breathing is very fast and her heart is racing.
He asks her "are you ready slut" in His most intoxicating voice. "Are you ready to please me"..."yes Sir".Wack...goes the belt across her ass. She lets out a yelp.Again He strikes her.Her mind is racing trying to figure out where to go from here. He tells her "hold still you little whore or i will bind you and you wont be able to move at all". "yes Sir" she wimpers. Tears are running down her red hot cheeks now.Wack again, this time landing across the lower end of her back. She wiggles from the pain. Trying to contain herself, she doesn't want to disappoint Him. He strikes her again and she jerks and screams from the pain."I'm sorry slut but I can't have you trying to get away." The Master opens a bag on the floor and pulls out some rope. She is crying now, begging for forgivness for being such a baby. "No need to be sorry slut, I will fix everything". He runs rope around her wrists and around her ankles and ties her to the bed. She is not going
anywhere. He starts slapping her with the belt  over and over again. She is begging for mercy and He is becoming more aroused by her cries. Her ass is red hot and is changing color to purple. He is proud of His work. He grabs her by the hair and rams His hard cock in her ass...."you have been craving this, havent you slut"?She is too emotional to respond.In and out He rams His cock and smacks her with the belt. She is in full intoxication now....she belongs to Him.With every pump of His cock and every smack of His belt, her body rises up to meet Him. She is in esctasy now. Never has she slipped so far into subspace before....she feels His cock pulsing in her and she is waiting. Waiting to be filled with His hot cum. The cum that she has earned...
She fucks her cunt hard now with her fingers. Sweat is glistening all over  her body. She is moaning loudly and rubbing her clit as hard as she can.He fills her with His cum and she covers her fingers with hers.
Covered in sweat and cum she relaxes now. She drifts off to sleep with His voice in her head..."such a good slut".
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sleeping beauty

Sleeping Beauty


Its late, i sit in my window listening to the cars go by.The crazy sounds of the city.Still cant believe i am living in Sin City....wow what a different life.
It was a year ago when i lay here in the ropes, happier then i had ever been. Cant believe its been that long since i heard the commands from a Master in my ear.Strange where life takes us.
Took me all my life and His skill to figure out who i am.Now i am right back where i started...living a vanilla life and have been since my release.No more use of the slut that was created. This slut feels worthless because she hasnt truly served since her release.She wonders if she stays on this path will the slut just simply disappear and the vanilla girl stay here for good.Can i really go back to the numb state. Back to the lack of excitement.The thrill brought on by fear and power?i feel like there is a big vanilla hole swallowing me up and with it goes my imagination...my fantasies...my passion....my submission.The slut in me is getting further and further burried inside.Almost as if going dormant.He awoke that in me and now its fading little by little out of sight.Eventually i suppose she wont exist at all.
If the slave in me disappears....where will i find my happiness again...will i become like the childhood fairytale. The story of sleeping beauty and the long dreadful sleep. Will the slut stay asleep until the "One" comes and unlocks her from her prison. Gives her back her freedom and will to serve. The "One" that holds the special key that Dominates her and brings her to her knees where she belongs...or will she forever be trapped asleep inside of me.
As i sit in my window listening to the cars go by, sadness fills my heart and loniliness takes over my soul...and i wonder where is He with the key?
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Slave?

Slave?


i was recently sent a letter describing what a real slave is. im not sure why this Dom sent it but i read it anyway. According to this letter i am not a slave at all. i am a submissive.
Thplace to live, bathroom facilities, heath and dental taken care of. If a person is letter stated that the only thing a slave can expect from her owner is a expects anything else or desires anything else, they are not truly a slave.They are a submissive.
The letter had me thinking what i want from an Owner.....i want to be loved and cherished and for those things i give myself.i want and need to be as important to my Master as He is to me.For my surrender i need to know He loves me.With this love validated i give to Him my submission and everything that goes with that.
In order for me to be open and give of myself freely i need to know He will take care of me and keep me safe....safe from making my own life a mess. Safe in the fact that He understands me. That He knows that i can be a train wreck but i also can be a very well behaved sub.i need to know that when i am a train wreck He will show the strength and the wisdom to settle me down.Whether it be with words or His punishment for me.i need to know that i can trust Him to oversee my life and make the necessary changes and corrections. i am usually full of emotion or drama that prevents me from making great choices. i would just assume to never have to make my own choices again.
It seems to me that i am the happiest when serving. i enjoy knowing that my place is on my knees. That at any given moment i could be used, or punished, or simply reminded of my requirements. i am totally content when spending all my time with my Owner. i need not outside distractions. Just the look of approval on His face is enough. To be told "good girl" brings such pleasure to me it bubbles out of me.To disappoint leaves such a horrible feeling of shame that makes my stomache feel sick.Makes me want to hide under a bed or in a corner.
so the question is am i a slave or a submissive. i am what He says i am.
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getting ready for the road trip

getting ready for the road trip


i am loosing my mind. This is the most insane thing i have ever tried to pull off and i have tried to pull off alot of crazy things. This move is so overwhelming i keep loosing focuss and falling apart. i somehow have to pull this courage from way deep down. i hope to god i am not screwing up my life. Everything is so calm here.....everything is so crazy there.i want the sunshine but at what cost......will i be able to handle the city....i guess i will find out leaving in two weeks. what a crazy ass road trip this is going to be....
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The presence

he presence
There in the crowded room she can feel it.She shakes her head and tries to ignore it but it is there and she cant deny it.She feels the presence. She can feel the power and the magnetism.People all around are talking but their voices become muffled almost a blur. There is only one voice she hears in that room.It stands out over the crowd.It demands her attention and she is drawn to it.It is a calm seductive voice and she hangs on its every word.She has become intoxicated by it. She tries to concentrate on the others but her mind is following the presence everywhere it goes.She searches the others for any indication that it exists in them but she knows she wont find it.She glances across the room and looks into the eyes and the power has become stronger.She can feel herself tremble when He comes near.She becomes weak and can feel the slow burn of desire building in her like a fire.The desire for the slave to surface in her. Logic tells her to run,submission makes her stay.She tries to hold a glance with Him but its to overwhelming and she must look away. She wonders to herself....if she can feel His power in a crowded room can He too feel the submissive side in her? Does He realize that the power in Him has awakened the need to serve in her? She tries to hide herself from Him because she knows that she has become very vulnerable and prays He doesnt notice..With her heart racing and fantasies of dungeons developing in her mind...she runs off into the night.She is thankful she kept her composure and she hopes that she hid the true slave in her from the Master in Him.
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"no linits"slaves

"No Limits"slaves

There has been some discussion on "no limit slaves".The testimonials of these slaves has had me thinking for sometime now. They claim to have no limits, that only their Masters happiness is what matters.They have faith in their Masters to know what is best for them so they go willingly on this journey.These same slaves have also said that when choosing a Master,they made sure of His likes and dislikes.To make sure they were a fit...Their Masters never take them to far but do push them over their boundaries. So, it got me thinking...how no limits are they.If when choosing a Master they made sure His kink felt safe to them.They were very careful who they picked.There seems to me there is no risk.No chance for failure,if that careful. Wouldnt a true test of the "no limits slave" be better studied by taking these self labled slaves to something like a slave farm.Maybe they would have to stand in a barn blind folded...not knowing who their Master might be....or what His kink was,and do exactly what they were told...no safe words...no free passes....just them and a Master of which they had no choosing. That to me would be a true test of a "no limits slave".If you are not a pain slut so you stay far away from sadists...this is still having limits.Your just not putting yourself in a postion of having to say no. i use to consider myself to be one because when He found me there was no list He went through asking is this ok, or is that ok...it was this is what you will do.i did discover a whole lot of things that i wasnt aware i was into..So this is why i thought i was a "no limit slave". However, i had someone quickly school me on the fact that yes, i did have limits.It frustrated me to admit this because i felt like i was not submissive enough if i had limits.They are really rather simple limits...no skat,no beastality,no incest,no children.These are not unreasonable limits...but it still makes you feel like less of a slave to have them. So i wonder when these self proclaimed slaves label themselves "no limit slaves"....wonder if those 4 things have escaped their minds.Or are they only a "no limits slave"when in the comfort of their Masters of their choosing.
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whos slut are you,velcro collar slaves

who's slut are you? velcro collar slaves


There seems to be a growing trend of velcro collar slaves lately.Slaves commiting to masters and then are released after a short time,only to move on and commit to the next one.Is it because it is done on the internet and not in real time?Does it make it easier to become a character that one wants to be and not who they real are? Is it harder in real time to just run and hide?The confusion for me is this...how does a slave just simply submit to just anyone? i was under the impression that it was like looking for a needle in a hay stack to find that special bond.i am confused on how so many find it so easy to submit to Masters/Doms over and over again.To expose your innerself to someone takes alot of trust.So how is it that slaves feel this trust with so many? Unless...they are not going that deep into submission, never reaching the total power exchange.Maybe i have lost the ability to surrender at the level for submission.Maybe i am just set in my ways and believe that it takes great skill and wisdom to take a slave past her self preservation mode. To trust someone with your most personal desires and fantasies is a very hard task to accomplish. To hide nothing from Him and expose all the dark secret you possess....to hand control of your life over without a second thought....simply because He required it.How can this be done after such short time frames and no real bond developed? It leaves me wondering...how do slaves continue to go through this over and over again? I understand the need to be owned, truly i do.However,wouldnt it be more meaningful to not surrender over and over again...to wait for that special bond...the perfect fit? To wait for the Master that sweeps her off her feet...thats steals her heart and passion...that controls her mind and soul? That Master surely cannot be found in everyone....
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seven stages of grief

Blog Home> August 2010> The seven stages of grief
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  • The seven stages of grief

    i have finally come full circle in the grieving process. i have had many people die in my life that were very close to me. i have had many relationships end that were extremely hard for me.Nothing and i mean nothing compares to the sorrow i have felt over the last six months.There are stages in grief that we must go through in order to recover and heal. The first stage: Shock and denial. The end was extremely shocking. i was trapped in the denial stage for quite some time. i thought if i were quiet and listened then maybe the nightmare would end and i would wake up and belong to him again. The second stage :Pain and guilt. The pain was almost more then i could handle. For the first time in my life i knew the meaning of the darkness.i was often scared for myself on just how dark it was.And the guilt..oh my god the guilt over knowing that i had done this. Put us both in this place.How does one live with the fact that so much heartache so much pain was brought on by yourself. The third stage:Anger and bargaining.this stage is a very strange one. the rollarcoaster ride of emotions can be hard to understand.i would try to bargain and would end up angry for not being able to change things. The fourth stage:Depression, reflection,loneliness.i cannot describe how much time was spent in this one.i hurt so bad i swear it was physical pain.i felt so alone i couldnt ever imagine that it would change.All the nights we spent together, all the hours and hours.Now nothing.he didnt want to spend anytime with me.i took this time to re evaluate "me".i filled my days and my lonely nights just thinking. Looking in the mirror.It wasnt always easy but what choice did i have. The fifth stage:The upward turn.This stage was a long time coming but i started to slowly live again.being able to make it more then two hours without breaking down.i still cried everyday on the way to work and everyday on the way home but i was starting to have bigger breaks in between. The sixth stage:Reconstruction and working through.i dont know if making the final changes to what i felt was the cause of my loss, counts.i started working very hard to make changes in me so that the next time i would not go through this place of darkness. i worked on becoming stronger and a better person. still having slid back and forth through the stages of denial, anger, and depression. everytime i thought i was becoming healthy again i slid back a bit. The seventh stage:Acceptance and hope.this stage has taken me six months to get to.i have only just recently arrived.i have finally accepted that no matter how much i love him, no matter how much i have changed(and holy hell have i changed)no matter what....i cannot force Him to want me or to own me.i have finally accepted that we view things at different levels of value.His view being that His rules hold the most value...as he should.Mine being that when You search for someone your whole life and you find that someone. the one that just makes everything else fade away.The one that you can hold conversations with even though you have spoken no words.The one that can make your heart skip beats.The one that makes you think of the corniest things but you dont care because you are truly in love.when you have found that "one" i think that there is nothing you shouldnt do to prove your devotion.i think that love is about compromise.That its never too much work to make it work.yes i know that this was a Master/slave relationship and lines should never be crossed.However, when life gets in the way and people make mistakes that is when love should be its strongest.So i have accepted that i have worked very hard and that no matter what that just isnt good enough sometimes.No matter how many promises and how much effort you cannot force your value system on someone else no matter how much it hurts. As far as the hope part goes...i have hope that someday, someday we both find happiness again just like we shared together.i dont fool myself into thinking that i will ever find that intensity again, but i do hold out hope for a loving,long lasting M/s relationship.one that i can learn in and grow in.i have accepted my loss and i cherish the sweet memories of the love we had shared
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