i walk in the house and set my keys on the table. Sliding my shoes off and taking in the familiar sounds and smells. Silently i walk down the hall and start my usual search with my eyes. i see Him there on the couch with the TV being the only light. i smile slightly to show Him i am happy to be there. "hello Master" is all i manage to say as i drop to my knees and lay my head on His stomach.
Tears swell in my eyes , i have had such a stressful week. i need to release all of this emotion. i do not do it with words as i don't want to weigh Him down with the negativity. There is no reason to disturb "O/our" place with the details. i know i am where i belong and it starts to heal my disturbed heart and mind.
He allows me this time because He knows i need it. He softly pets my hair and my tension begins to fade. He says nothing but just sits and waits for me composure. This time is priceless to me...there is no place like "O/our" place. i am not talking about His living room in His house...i am referring to the place where W/we meet together in the bond.
The place where only He and i exist...where the comfort of each other is the only thing that matters...where words have no significance....Where He takes my stress from me and returns comfort. Comfort in knowing i am His and all the rest is just details. The simplicity of this is all i need. The simple thought that i belong to Him is the cure for everything that disturbs me.
His energy is low and my emotions are high but together there is a place that He and i meet in the middle and everything is calm.This is when i understand that everything i am belongs to Him now.
Through out all the writing on this lifestyle you will hear a submissive say that they have given their Doms their minds,their bodies, and their souls. Often times i see this as an over used statement..one that has been beat to death just as people throw around the words " i love you". Do they understand what they are really saying...what is truly expected of them..the payment for the journey into the sweet darkness....
Thinking about this heavily today..i have given Master..my body first. When W/we first came together i willingly gave Him my body...not just in sex but in service to Him. i do my chores at His house and i enjoy them. i give to Him my body for His pleasure and i experience things that stay with me always. He uses this body to play out His sadistic side and he enjoys bringing pain to the skin on His property... Without laying down specific rules of dress...i am changing the way i dress His property to meet His tastes....These are all examples of giving to Him my body.The body is the most obvious to give and the easiest.
i have given Him my mind...He is in my thoughts almost 24 hours a day. When i say almost it is because i choose honesty over words. There are times when i am not thinking of Him..when i am merely lost in a movie or what i am doing. These moments do not last long before He is knocking at the door in my mind and i am reminded of where i belong. i find myself running two programs most of the time in my head..the one that runs in the back ground replaying things i have been taught by Him..running instructions on things i am to do for the day...making mental lists of things that displease Him..things that He has enjoyed or approved of. These mental lists are always being proof read my me and re written...the are a constant work in progress and this is why this program is rarely shut off. it even runs in my sleep. The other being what i am doing in the present time...i function quite well with both running at the same time. it makes me laugh sometimes to think "of only people could see what is going on in my mind"
He rules my mind...His words come to me when making decissions....i flash to my memory of His likes when making decissions. He is always a part of what i decide. The decissions i make are always in the interest of pleasing Him. my mind is His playground and i give it to Him willingly.
Finally i give to Him my heart..i choose to say heart instead of soul but as you can plainly read He owns that as well...i give to Him my heart and i do so without choice..He has taken it without warning. i knew this part last night without a doubt...when i see Him and i crumble inside from the walls of stress...when i kneel at His feet and become safe in the feelings of being smaller....when His gentle kiss makes me almost physically see all the chaos disappear in my mind...He has taken my heart. He gives me butterflies and tingling...Thinking of Him brings a glowing smile to my face..romance is always on my mind. When i have disappointed Him it hurts deeply. It shreds my very being to hear it in His voice....and when i lay my head on His stomach or in His lap i am at peace. When He is inside me i feel like we cant get close enough..i want to be totally engulfed by Him..
The exchange between U/us is a perfect balance. His Dominance vs my submission....His taking and my giving...His control and my surrender....i am His..He is not mine...i am His property.
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