The diary pages of Naughty...who am i?

who am i, she thinks as she looks in the mirror at her bruises. Am i really a masochist? Have i always been one? Do i only hunger for the pain so that i feed His desires? Do i actually enjoy the shock and sting when He strikes me? Am i actually sitting here wishing He was hitting me right now?

 

Remembering back to the first time i heard the term masochist. i thought how absurd that anyone would enjoy feeling pain. i remember thinking that women like that must have something wrong with them. The last thing i would ever want was a man to hit me and if he did , i would never stay around no matter what. i remember how i would tell this to many...

 

The saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me" would always ignite a fire in me. I still did not believe i was one of them...i was just a bit kinky,or so i thought. But still why would that excite me if i wasn't into pain?

 

The first slap i ever received across my face should have been the first clue for me. i loved it and i still do....but i still didn't see it. Just thought well i m a bit on the wild side. It is perfectly normal to love your ass slapped hard while in the doggie position, right?

 

my fantasies of being bound and beat where just that..fantasies...i would never crave pain or smile when being struck..after all i am not a pain slut. i am not that strong.

 

The first session i had with Him and He whipped me, i was proud i made it through it. i couldn't believe i could...i went home and studied my body,His masterpiece of the scene...the marks brought me right back to the bed where i lay chained and beaten. The thrill would make my skin glow...and yet i still didn't see it.

 

He surprised me with another session just recently and i can't explain the excitement of seeing the toy bag out. i was actually sitting there in the cuffs awaiting His hit. When He would tease me with slightly running the cane across my thighs i was secretly begging Him in my mind to hit me. The strike of the cane made my body come alive. The first real strike is always the sweetest...i remember when it was over i was thinking please hit me some more even though i most likely couldn't have handled it.

 

It wasn't until he said you are more of a masochist then you thought, had it even occurred to me i was one. Now as i sit here writing this diary page it makes me smile to think, am i a masochist? The only logical answer is yes...i am His masochist.

Master's kiss

NaughtySlave1's Writing 41F sub (Las Vegas, Nevada)

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Master's kiss

Journal Entry | 10 days ago

i cannot get this off my mind so i will do as i usually do and empty my mind through writing...
i remember the first kiss when W/we just met. He told me to come kiss Him on His bike. i was so scared but i do as i am told. It was the beginning.
i have always loved to kiss. i love to taste the mouth of my lover. It stirs so much inside of me. The kiss can make or break the next step. It will always tell you where the chemistry is or at what level.
i am usually very aggressive when kissing. Now looking at it it is almost a form of who has the control. It never crossed my mind that i am submissive with everything sexual except kissing...how strange to realize this. Who would ever think about letting go when kissing..letting go of the control. One has to lead and one has to follow as with all things. One controls the intensity of the kiss,whether it be a gentle slow fire burning kiss or an explosive hard physical one. One decides whether its a simple peck on the lips or and open mouth exploration.
How strange it is to me to think of kissing in this light...it has never crossed my mind until His kiss.This occured to me one night when He was laying on top of me kissing me and i was trying to kiss Him with as much passion as i could.
Master grabbed my face in His hand and held His lips just above mine...this was the moment i let go.i felt my body relax and become limp in His control. What happened next was a melting of my heart.The way He kissed me was unlike any kiss i have ever had. He would slightly kiss my top lip and bottom lip. Hovering right above my needy mouth,He would suck the air from my mouth. Run His tongue under my top lip and then slowly kiss me with that delicious mouth.
The way He kisses me feels like He is making love to my mouth with His...is this even possible to do? The feeling of mystery when He is holding my face...my mind is bonding to Him ever more with every breath He takes from me. i lay in His arms like a rag doll and feel tears swelling,nipples becoming errect,and moisture flowing between my thighs...all from His kiss...
Master's kiss is so erotic i lay there thinking please take more of me...please have all of me....His kiss is so intense that i cannot find the words to truly describe the effects it has on me...
Even trying to write it now i am overwhelmed with the feelings i have when He is kissing me...when He is sucking the air from me it feels so magical like He is sucking my soul right from my body into His...when He hovers His lips above mine..it makes me feel like He is showing me who is in control...
i wish i had the words to make it possible to feel what i am feeling when Master kisses me....

Master's toy box

Master's toy box! :)

Journal Entry | 2 Comments | 30 days ago

i have no idea how or why i am so lucky that Master has allowed me to be a part of His life...
Master and i shared a wonderful evening in the kitchen...it was such a pleasure to be His little helper. He taught me how to make a smoothie and shared His secret ingredient to His delicious beans...
Sitting there on the chair,wearing His football jersey of His favorite team, i chopped things He needed. The conversation was so easy..it was like W/we had known each other always.
Master disappeared and i continued to work while wondering where He had gone. Sipping on the smoothie He made for me and listening to the soft music playing in the back ground, i couldn't stop smiling. What a slice of heaven...
Master told me to go to His room and remove His shirt...i set down His knife and headed for His room. My eyes dropped to His bag on the floor and all the things laying outside of it. As i set His shirt down i seen the cuffs and chains on the bed.
Master had me sit on the bed as He started to cuff my feet. While He held each foot in His hand, tightening the cuffs, i felt like a little girl getting her shoes put on...i wont ever forget that feeling. Holding out my wrists for Him, thoughts were in my head on how i would do. Would i fill His needs enough?
i pushed these thoughts out of my mind and decided i would give my body to Him...no matter what. i belonged to Him and i trusted Him...all the rest would fall into place. i couldn't help but think about how much i adored Him for wanting to take me to this place in service i had never ventured. He was my guide to an intensity i had never known....
Feeling the chains tighten on my wrists and ankles, being spread eagle on my belly i realized just how much i trust this Man...my Master...with everything that i am. How incredible to be so vulnerable with someone.
i closed my eyes and prepared for His use. Master taught me about inhaling pain and exhaling pleasure that night. The pain would come in like the waves in the ocean coming up on the sand further and further...while the pleasure will slowly go back out again....leaving everything in its path wet and shimmering.
At one point i thought i might weaken and the pain would get to be to much. i reminded myself i am His slave and how He was bringing me to the darker side of my fantasies and how incredibly arousing that was. i needed to be all that i could be for Him...With my eyes closed and these thoughts running in my mind, the gates opened.
The tears came...these tears were not from pain. They came from all the sensations He had given me.They came from the bond between us that was now even stronger. From the deepest part of my soul...where only Master has ever been. They were tears for the passion that has been locked inside of me for so long waiting for the Master with the key. They were tears of relief...that He had come for me and was there to set me free. Free from the control over my life...free from hiding my fantasies and desires....free to give myself to the One that is now my everything. The One that has given me a place of comfort and a place to be who i am without fear of judgement.
As i lay in Master's arms, i wanted to tell Him so much. i couldn't speak...The tears kept flowing and i felt so many emotions i doubt i could explain them all. i have never felt so safe as i did that night in His arms.
i am Master's slave and because of Him all things are possible.....

my favorite time of the day

my favorite time of the day...

Journal Entry | 5 Comments | 26 days ago

Everyday i wake up around 4 am. My first thoughts are of Him. i excitedly jump out of bed and head for the bathroom to make myself presentable. i rush to brush my teeth and hair. Watching the clock, i picture His bedroom and Him snuggled in His bed. i hurry out the door and jump in the truck rushing across town with the work traffic.
Rolling the windows down to feel the warm breeze, reaching over and turning up the music. My thoughts are only of Him. Singing loudly with the music i drive in a trance. My mind has beaten me to the house and is already with Him.
Reaching for the controller to His gate my heart has begun to race. As always i text Him to make sure He knows i am there.Taking my shoes off in the kitchen and walking quietly to His room. "hello girl" is always His first words. The way His voice sounds makes me purr like a kitten....i am where i should be.
The first kiss and touch make me feel more alive then i have ever felt. The affection he shows me is more then i have ever dreamt of. Master and i share conversation over O/our morning coffee...its so quiet at His house. So peaceful. Just the two of us and nothing else matters.
Kneeling at His feet and His hand on my face, i can;t imagine ever wanting to be anywhere else. i always want to tell Him so much about how i am feeling but the emotions are so powerful i just smile and rub His feet. i look deep into His eyes and hope that He can see exactly what i am feeling.
Sometimes W/we just sit there looking into each others eyes and other times i snuggle into His chest and He holds me and i know that i will always be safe there.
Sometimes i have such an over powering need to tell Him i could spend the rest of my life just like this...that spending this time with Him has made me happier then i have ever been. That His voice, his touch, His affection is the most amazing things in my life. That just the thought of Him makes tears swell in my eyes when W/we are apart because i adore Him so very much and i am so thankful He is here.
i love to do little things around His house when he is in the shower and i am thankful He has made me comfortable enough to be able to do them.
When i walk Him to the truck and kiss Him goodbye and wish Him a happy day, it makes me more content then words can express.
i finish up and close the door and leave smiling, excited about tomorrow morning. This is my favorite time of day and nothing on earth would make me want to trade it for anything.
Thank You Master for allowing me to be a part of Your morning

Master's hands

Master's hands

Journal Entry | 1 Comment | about 1 month ago

i love His hands of power...they have the ability to make me feel so many emotions. i have never been so effected by anyones hands before.
When He holds my hand in His, looking down at me..deep in my eyes i feel like such a little girl.
When He holds my throat and sqeezes....making me feel completely at His mercy.
When He makes a fist and i lean forward and lean my cheek against it to show Him how much i trust HIm.
When i lay my head on His lap and He runs His big fingers through my hair....i am so relaxed.
When He stands above me and cups my face in the palm of His hand...i feel so cared for...it is such a loving touch.
When i am in trouble and bend over His lap and He spanks me...i feel so ashamed for disappointing Him.
When i open His hand and kiss the palm...showing Him how sorry i am and pleading for forgivness.
When he tweaks my nipples and brings pain and then pleasure...it send shivers up and down my spine.
When He makes my body dance by inserting His fingers inside of me....i know that this body is His to explore....
When i look in the mirror and see His hand prints on me...it makes me so happy!
God, how i love Master's hands