Do you ever feel responsible for the things you say on the net?
i have been thinking about the groups and things people discuss on the web sites. i often wonder about how much of it has even the slightest bit of reality involved. How much of it is the norm for the couples on a daily basis. It always makes me wonder about the new ones that try to learn by reading these discussions and the effects it has on them. Does it cause them to judge themselves against the stories? Do they come out short in their minds due to what they have learned. Could this cause them discomfort and frustration?
So the first place i was taken was to be registered at the slave register. Oh my i was so excited. There were so many submissives there and they were so smart and lived such wonderful lives. i was in complete awe of them. i read as much as i could as often as i could. They were all so very happy and living the erotic dream. Never did i read that anyone could think anything but of his happiness. Every breath they took revolved around this concept.These were my role models...i wanted so much to be like them.
So many thoughts, so many theories were shared..even some of their kink. Their lives were fascinating to me as i hung on every word.To afraid to speak in the forums because i felt as if i wasn't on the same playing field as them...,after all i was brand new and in an on line/long distance relationship...what could i possibly contribute?
Time went by and i was released. i looked to these role models to see if i could find any answers in their obvious words of wisdom. There was nothing written anywhere on how the mind of a submissive is not always content and not always jumping for joy to please....was i the only one out there that felt any difficulty in following His orders above all else? Did this make me a bad submissive? A role i strapped on?
Deciding that i needed to learn even more so that i could correct all the failed behaviors, i joined fetlife and then the groups for other subs. This, i thought, should help teach me the proper mind set of a submissive. Now i have been in these web sites and groups for two years...and yes i have learned a great deal. i am grateful for the resources to do just that.
Now i am owned in real time and there is a complete difference in that of on line and that of real time...still i find myself not relating to a whole lot of what i read. This use to bother me a great deal. i questioned so much about me...even with the constant reminder that all submissives are like snowflakes..not two being the exact same. Still i wondered what the hell...
Ever since the very first word i have spoke on the net..i have spoke as i would in person. i have never felt the need to create a completely different character from who i am. i have never had the need to portray things in a prettier light so to speak..it is what it is...
So now i am quite vocal on the sites i belong to...i have spoke up a great deal on things i have felt passionate about. i have always tried to reach out to those subs that have been left behind and those who are feeling lost in their submission. i speak loudly of choice to submit and hot topics of that nature. i feel like sometimes even though it is putting yourself in a not so good light..its better to put it out there so that the new ones can learn its ok to not be the slave "rock star".
However i am one of the lucky ones. Master doesn't concern Himself with all my words. i have a great deal of freedom to do so. i can write all over the place preaching to the choir about choice...there is no punishment for this. Sometimes i feel alone in my beliefs about this lifestyle and i search for others that will speak with reality on their feelings...
i wonder to myself what in the hell the is the purpose of belonging to these discussion groups if there is fear of your thoughts and feelings? Example..when was the last time you read " he wanted me to do the laundry and i didn't feel like it, i did it but felt resentful the entire time"...why is this such a death sentence to tell of the truthful feelings that we submissives as human beings sometimes have...why have a group for submissives to discuss things if putting out their true feelings would be considered a slam and disrespect? Why can't anyone be honest about things like this? i am not saying everyday a sub might have resentment..but surely there are days that they want to say fuck it and leave..but they don't because they are truly happy, just happen to be having a bad day. Why is this so unforgivable?
i truly think that if more people spoke of the reality and not just the best days...it wouldn't be so hard on some when they sit in judgment of themselves due to the shit they read out here. Maybe it would help the submissives to b e able to say holy hell i had a hard week..i couldn't get my mind straight and i struggles through every action i made. What is so wrong about this and why is it so hush hush. Why can't their be some what of a more realistic talk about play? when i first started i thought submissives were fucked and beaten around the clock..imagine my surprise when i became real time and found out that Masters cant fuck you while working ...that life happens and doesn't always agree with your fantasy of the life of a slave...That sometimes as a couple ( i know the dirty vanilla word) sometimes you just don't want to fuck every night....why cant people speak with more reality that hey i get beat only on weekends or once every two weeks or once a month or omg every six months...and just say how wonderful it is. There is no shame in that...
There is a shame however in the fact that when one is new you cant possibly know just how much extra is written and how much less is reality. Not everyday is whips and chains as much as we would like them to be. Now i am not so cynical that i don't believe that some couples have the ability to fuck like rabbits around the clock...beat the crap out of their slaves each and everyday...but i think that there are more that have to live life and get it when they can then those that experience that. i also believe i am not the only one out there that has had off days and Master's happiness was not the top of my list to do that day. i am after all human with selfish needs and sometimes the human in me kicks the slave in me to the back burner. Does this make me a bad person? i think this makes me real...
i just wish when i was new that there had been more reality and less fantasy and maybe the growing process wouldn't have been so painful...
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