the diaries of Naughty November 20,2011

Master tells me to be at His house around 4. This tells me He has something in mind...it is Sunday and He has to be back to work tomorrow so i am thinking it can't be play. i am on time and dressed to His approval to go out or stay in. Master doesn't approve of "everyone seeing my tits" so i dress to His taste. 

i join Him on the patio in the back. Master has that look in His eyes. i stare into them looking to see what is on His mind. i have seen this look each time He has felt sadistic. i smile nervously and look away...He asks me if i would like to go for a drive and i answer "sure Master"...thinking He must want to go to dinner and play the games. Master takes me to his favorite casino and sits me at a machine with my "good girl money" while He heads off to poker. it is always amusing to me when He says that.

Sitting beside Him in the truck with my hand tucked tightly in His seat belt, i wonder where we are going. This is a different direction then He normally takes. i don't ask because i am just happy to be with Him. It was a great week and i feel closer to Him then before. i am even starting to show Him my "cheeky" side. i enjoy His reaction to this side of me...but i am careful not to over do it.

He drives up to the leather shop. Sometime ago He told me one day we will go there and get you a collar . i looked at Him and smiled shyly when He opened my door.Master and i walked around looking at things. There were more floggers then i have ever seen. They were beautiful hanging there across the ceiling. All different sizes and collars. Everything in there seemed to call my name. There was a room in there that was set up like a dungeon. He had a good laugh when i didn't understand some of the things in there. He walked off across the store by Himself as i continued to stare into that room. He called out for me to come to Him. master was holding a pink leather collar. He slid it on my neck to make sure it fit.It was a perfect fit. Master took it up to the counter and i stood behind Him while He bought it. Now my mind i would think would be racing but i was very calm...

In the truck he slid it on my neck as i lowered my head. He told me it had been a long time since He did this. He told me "you better not fucking run off". Smiling in the dark i knew that i wouldn't. This was a very natural step for us. 

Master took me to the casino and i was wondering if i would be allowed to wear it in public. He seemed to expect it and this made me very excited. Never before had i worn a real collar. I had a necklace before that 3was the symbol of a collar..but never has my neck been decorated with a real leather collar. It is funny to me how i naturally kept putting my finger in the ring and tugging my own collar. Fantasies of a leash were dancing in my mind while He and i walked.i was so happy and content...i can't believe i am collared. This Master who has rarely collared any just slipped a pretty pink leather collar on my neck...

He and i spoke so easily during dinner about the lifestyle. i love how we are now..so comfortable together..everything is so easy.i love it when He orders for me...when he explains things or tells me stories over dinner. Looping my hand in His arm as He leads me through His casino. i enjoy these nights s much and now i have this memory to add to them.

Master and i had such a lovely evening out but it was getting late and it was time to go. It was interesting to me how no one seemed to notice the collar. He did tell me it blended with my skin nicely..and i am in Vegas so maybe this seemed normal to others. 

i think the best part about us is the no fuss..We do not live with strict protocol. We are relaxed with each other. He doesn't require much of me..just obedience and that i am always willing and grateful to be His.

November 20,2011 will be a night i always remember...thank You Master!

Diaries of Naughty..Master danced with me

Last night Master danced with me...it was beautiful and exciting and emotional....

Arriving at His house at 4:59...such a brat! He told me be there before five and He had a surprise for me and that we would play. All day long my nerves were twisting on this surprise...i kept trying to calm them but couldn't. He is a sadist  and i am like a virgin to most things dark...i am so glad He is my first with everything we do and with any luck and work and patience He will be my only...

Master had that bondage contraption in the living room. It looks like something you might hang an engine off of. Two long boards on each end with these things at the top that remind me of nipple clamps..lol He told me the name but i see them that way. They bite into the board that connects them. He wraps the sexy chain around the board and there is where the restraints are connected.

It has been awhile since we have been able to play and i am over the top excited..scared but excited. My fear doesn't come from a lack of trust..nor does it come from thinking He might hurt me in a bad way...It comes from insecurity in me...How many have hung there before me...would i give Him the same pleasure that they have? The fear comes from a lack of faith in myself to feed His need. i am not jealous of the others rather amazed that i am there now...how did i come about being able to earn His time...i am still amazed by this.

Master is so perfect at this...His attention to detail..He dims the lights and some how there is always the sexiest music playing at just the right volume. Shivers are running down me as i stand there naked with my wrists in the air. He asks me if i would like a blind fold and i tell Him yes Master...later He told me this surprised Him. i love the blind fold...the reason is i want to feel Him. i need to feel His powerful presence around me. i do not want my eyes fading any detail or any sensation. my everything follows Him around the room when i cannot see Him...feels like my very soul is sticking its hands out of me and reaching out to cling to the One that owns me.

And so the dance begins....tonight is different then the others. i have let go of trying to control myself to not make a noise and i just relax and enjoy what He is doing. i love the way that flogger feels so much i wish He could beat me all night with it. it almost feels like a massage. i must say that single tail is wicked. i tell Master its mean..He says in such a flirty voice...do you think i am being mean to you girl "oh no Master"

There was such a playfulness this time.,.,i remember pouting from some of the pain...almost baby talking..you know that real gi way of talking..lol When Master put those clothes pins on me i was laughing and cussing from the pain of them.He asked me if i would like them off..silly slut answers yes Master...now i am sure you can guess how a sadistic Master might remove the clothes pins...of course...He slapped them off. omg those little bastards hurt.

There were so many things of the night that will be with me forever. The sound of Him digging in His bag would build the excitement,wondering what he was getting. How wicked it was when He made me hold the chain from the nipple clamps in my mouth. The feel of Him rubbing His hands over my skin after He had whipped me with one of the toys. The way it felt to be restrained in that way and Him pushed up behind me so that i could lay my head back on His shoulders.i loved this position more then words can express.The way His voice sounded in my ears..like silk across my body. i love His voice speaking softly to me when we are in a session. Him asking "are you o girl" and me begging for more in my mind...i love Him to take me this way...i feel so in tune with Him when we are this way...

Each time Master allows me to feel the pleasure of His pain..of His dance, i become more and more aroused by it. The hit of the straps on my needy cunt is mind blowing...the slaps on my thighs is electric...i am more alive then i have ever been in my life. Master has scooped me up and taken me to places i have always dreamed of...fantasies i have played in my head for more years then i can count...all the naughty little things i have masturbated to over the years are now my reality instead of dreams.

i have been so controlled in everything i do around Him. i sit at His feet silently in front of Him but i am always telling Him things in my mind...i am very careful to pay attention to things he tells me and lock them into memory..the details of how he wants things done.i am so controlled that i forget to love "us" together...i forget to enjoy it and appreciate all that He has shared with me...this control is consuming me.When i realized i was doing it and what it was doing, i decided to let go...really let go. The reason for my fear and my control is i am so afraid He will not want the wild child i can be. When He told me to earn His time i listened very carefully. It would rip my heart out if He didn't want the "cheeky girl" i am. 

When Master found me i was broken from the past, torn to shreds inside. The pain from the past was unbearable..don't know how i survived it.He told me i was hard to read. i wanted to explain to Him that i control my emotions because they were part of the reasons i was thrown away. Love runs deeply through my veins...i will not allow myself to become to needy. The thought of never being allowed to walk through His house and snuggle His pillows or smell His scent on His shirts would kill me.i love to run my hands over everything he touches when i am there....even his coffee pot makes me smile because i picture Him with His messy hair and slightly open robe in the morning pouring a cup of coffee...it makes e smile to crank the music in His room while he is gone because He keeps the house so quiet...makes me giggle to think of the look on His face if He heard it. So i always kept myself very controlled.

i feel safe with Him now. i feel safe in the thought He wants me there..that He will not so easily throw me away like yesterdays paper. When He would become irritated with me that fear was so overwhelming..i would sit and get myself ready for the worst...Him to tell me i no longer want you here girl...He doesn't do that though..He tells me why this upset Him and i learn from it. He always asks me back...

So that night when i went to His house i decided i would let go of the control and enjoy His dance...i has so much fun with Him. How funny is that statement i had fun getting my ass kicked...lol It felt as if our bond had grown that night.i really do enjoy His time very much.i am so honored to be there.

When Master held me after on the couch and let me cry in His arms..i wanted to tell Him so much that i..i kept telling Him over and over in my head but the words would not escape my lips. Instead i just gripped His shirt in my hand and cried. Trying to get as close to Him as i could.Master snuggled me and put the blanket on me and i felt like a little girl in His safe arms and again i had a need to tell Him.i could have stayed there forever...i wanted so badly to lay naked in His arms in His bed while the waves were crashing but i didn't know how to ask for this.i couldn't get my body close enough to Him...

Master and i smoked in the garage before i left...it was dark and the door was open...i couldn't stop kissing Him before i left because of fighting the words...never had a Man looked so incredibly sexy to me as He did at that moment. It was really hard for me to leave because i needed so feel His arms around me all night but it is the reality  of things. i came home and fell into such a deep sleep...today has brought more tears off and on but the waves are crashing less now...

i look forward to the next time Master wants to dance....

diaries of Naughty...garage sales

4:55 am,searching under my pillow for my cell phone to see what time it is.

oh thank god i woke before the alarm..its Saturday and He is expecting me. No one on the road which is good because as usual i haven't had coffee i just ran out the door.

 

Master is in His room. Walking back to His room for a good morning kiss,i see the Santa decoration on the table. How cute it was when He brought it up to me in the store and said He was buying it because it reminded Him of me...naturally it says ho ho ho on it. i laughed so hard and now it makes me smile remembering it.

 

There He is with a smile on His face,in His robe with His hair messy. i love it when He looks like this.Makes me want to walk up and scruff His head..but i do know better as i am dropping to my knees. He gives me some kisses and i snuggle up. He tells me to make us breakfast before we go...remembering when this use to scare the crap out of me. Now i am relaxed heading for the kitchen again laughing at the Santa. How perfect of a day...not one of the eggs broke.yay!

 

Master is pleased with His breakfast and reminds me of why i should be eating as well. He cant see me but i am smiling while doing the dishes..i know He is right but his coffee is so damn strong i couldn't possibly eat..He heads off for the shower as i make His bed and gather the laundry. i listen to make sure He is in there before carrying it into the laundry room. Just as i open the washer i remember WAIT, DO NOT START THE WASHER...omg what an airhead. Last fet times i have done the laundry i have waited until he got in the shower to start the machine. Apparently His water in the shower is hooked in with the washer. Soooo as i wash in cold and it pulls water i am actually frying His ass in the shower. As you might have guessed He does NOT appreciate this. i was still laughing at myself when i told Him...He didn't find it as funny as i did.

 

So off we go for our usual sat morning outing. i am excited today. i found an advertisement for a garage sale put on by a Master. There is a bondage chair and i want to see it badly. We stop at a few before that one. There was a chair there that He explained you put by your front door. Omg this chair was cool. It reminded me of a throne with handles on each side on the top. i am sure they are to hang coats or something but i was thinking about my wrists being tied. i snuggled up to Him and whispered ohh i love that chair. i told Him how it looked like so much fun and He was thinking the same thing. He has changed my way of looking at simple things at garage sales...especially beds. If there are no posts on bed frames i wont even give them a second glance.

 

He was interested in some things but the lady was being kinda bitchy. i would cringe at her attitude and watch from the distance. He simply walked away...we were back in His truck and as always i tucked my hand in between Him and His seat belt. Never have i done this with anyone but for some reason it feels like i am suppose to. He tells me here is some music for you girl...it was Janus Joplin. This music was so sexy. It was making me want to pull over right there. i was watching Him while this music was effecting me like this. i wonder to myself does He lick His lips like that on purpose...because it drives me crazy with desire. god even the way He smokes sometimes..i think are You aware that is turning me on?

 

So there we are driving down the road with the sexiest music i have heard in a long time with Him licking His lips...as we arrive. We pull up and there is some things in the yard. i am thinking where is the good stuff,we must have missed it. After the people helped load up what He bought,Master says ok wheres the toys. The  way He said it made me worse off.The man started walking towards what i thought was a shed.It turns out it was a private dungeon. Holy shit,this place was so cool. Being in there with Him made the hair stand up on my arms and neck. Watching master talk to the man while i ran my hands down the chains on that swinging chair...i wanted to play so badly. Master was killing me...i couldnt even speak. There was a flogger on a box. i picked it up and ran my hands down the strands and i was purring.my sense seemed so in tune. Listening to Him talk and the way He held Himself. i was so proud to be His..if only we could play.i would have given anything for that man to leave and have Master chain me in that chair and beat me...but it was time to leave and i had to get a grip on myself.

What started out a normal day had made me soo hungry for His control..for His dominance....for His....

the diaries of Naughty...random thoughts

It's been awhile so i thought i would write. Slumber party is over and i am back home. It was interesting to see how easy it was to fall into place living together. How odd is that for two people to not have any awkwardness about sharing that much time together.

It wasn't perfect though. i did manage to upset Him. i had a date for dinner with Him and due to other things i was late. It had been a very long time since i felt the disappointment of a Master. i must say i do not miss it. The difference this time was there was no laying alone wondering what would happen. As i lay on His floor too nervous to sit on His furniture or lay on His bed, i swear i could hear my heart beating.

The look on His face when He found me brought tears to my eyes. Not because i thought i would be beat..because that would have been a reward. It was because i knew He was very unhappy with me at that moment. He sat down on His couch as usual and explained to me why He felt the way He did.  Guilt was dripping off me like syrup on the side of ice cream.i couldn't handle even looking at Him. God if only i could run for the door and leave behind that horrible feeling.i seriously had this thought run through my head.

Instead Master asked me where i was sleeping. lol Now what i wanted to do was sleep in the other room He calls my room. Far from Him and the terrible feelings of disappointment. i knew though if i choose this way it would make things worse then need be. i knew facing what He and i were feeling was truly the only way to handle this. i took a deep breath and told Him where ever He wanted. He asked me where i wanted to and of course i swallowed it and said with You Master.It was the right choice and i felt better snuggled in even through the silence.

He did forgive me for the mistake and things went fine. In the mornings i would wake up and run get His coffee while He played on His computer. i loved to lay out His socks and His under ware for Him on His bed. At nights i would lay back His covers and get His pills. Rubbing His feet while we watched His favorite shows.He would wrap His arms around me and hold me most of the night. Love to hear Him breathing in my ear.It truly was like we had always been together.

Except for the fact that there are some things He doesn't know about me. Such as i have been told i am quite cheeky..cheeky what a funny way to describe what i call just being me. i have always been a bit of a smart ass..ok a real big smart ass. i control this side of me and He wasn't even aware it existed. i

It got me thinking one day..i wonder if He knows how different i can be. Many have told me i am very complex. Again i am just me. However i am a very controlled me when in His presence. It's not me being fake,it's me being the slave He needs..and this i can be very comfortable...

So does He really need all the details? Does He need to know that everything pink makes me happy, especially pink fuzzy things like slippers or jammies. That i love hello kitty things and i always have. That the moon and the rain are my favorite things in life...that the one thing i miss the most about home was laying in my big bed staring at the moon and the stars. Does it matter that music can set my mood easily...certain music makes me feel very sexy or sad or content and peaceful.That i could spend hours painting wooden Christmas ornaments even though i am not very good at it. Does it matter that the best naps i have ever taken have been naked in a big quilt in the afternoon. That my own shadow makes me scream out loud sometimes because my mind is always working and it startles me.That i am actually very shy but i hide it behind humor or my flirty nature.That i absolutely love all things with polka dots and the smell of new plastic shower curtains. i have actually walked down isles of them smelling them. That a bonus is a plastic clear beach bag with polka dots....That i love to be told bed time stories and made to feel like a little girl but have no interest in the daddy/girl dynamic.That swimming naked in the moon light is as close to heaven as it gets. That being covered in mud while riding three wheelers is one of my favorite things in life.That i like to think He knows absolutely every answer to every question in my head because it makes me feel safe....

Would having all these details about me make it easier to control me or keep me in my place....maybe or maybe not. His voice and His touch keep me right there and i suppose that is all that matters...